Balls to the Wall – You Gotta Serve (to) Somebody" With Apologies to Bob Dylan
You may be a construction worker working on a home
You may be living in a mansion or you might live in a dome
You may be a preacher with your spiritual pride
You may be a city councilman taking bribes on the side
You may be somebody's mistress, may be somebody's heir.
But you're gonna have to serve (to) somebody, yes
You're gonna have to serve (to) somebody, You are ready to serve. You stand, one foot in the service box, virtually at the tee, ball in hand, in control of time. You can speed things up, or slow them down. An opportunity to hit the ball, hard and wide, or soft and high. To attack your opponent’s weakness. Your confidence is up, having just won a point. Your opponent hovers in the back corner. Just where you want him. Confidence down, having just lost a rally. Opportunity waits. The majority of squash players, however, will mindlessly smash the ball back into play, without thought or care. Rally started. Opportunity lost. Coaches know. The serve is one of the most difficult shots to coach. For many, this shot is the stumbling block to starting squash as transferring ball from hand to racquet is not easy. This shot is the Holy Grail which will open doors to the wonderful world, the camaraderie, the exercise, the blood, sweat and tears of squash.( Just a tip to those parents and less experienced coaches – start coaching the serve from the left hand service box. ) Once the penny drops, and it is like that, an AHA experience, the junior has a ticket to Playdom. Sadly, the serve soon becomes and abused, ignored and a wasted ploy. Sadly too, too few coaches spend time focussing on coaching the service, and players don’t really like to practise it, as it is boring, requires skill, and it doesn’t make you tired. South African squash players, ( and sportsmen for that matter,) often judge the quality of a coaching session on how tired they are, after the session. One day, when we are big, and when Apartheid is not being blamed for all ills anymore, hopefully we will realise that sport is cerebral. The Server’s initial target is the sidewall, just in front of, or opposite where your opponent is standing. Most servers are not even aware of where their opponent is standing, so that target is often, just a guess. But that should be your first focus, as the position of your opponent should dictate which type of service to serve. “Different types of services? What Greek heretical rubbish does this man speak ? I’ve watched the top players and they just klap the ball onto the wall” Yes, they do. But they , like Federer and Djokovic, are pin-point in their direction, and they hit their target, regularly. Also, their opponents , generally speaking, do not have glaring weaknesses in their make up, which can be exposed by a clever player. The most common variation to the “Standard Service” is the Lob Service. Most players don’t really like this serve as she is difficult. She is a woman. She can be erratic, she requires feel, touch, thought and practice. When loose, she offers easy return options, and worse, often goes out. But , when good, and treated and caressed properly, the Lob Serve can be a honey, leading you to wins, never expected. Most squash players do very little with a high backhand volley, If you can develop a Lob Serve, with lots of height, and little pace, you can take advantage of some very weak returns. And to avoid that horrible out-of-court call, lift your Lob Serve, high on the front court. Aim it onto the front wall, on your side of the court. This throws the ball above the head of the receiver, cramps his space, and makes his return even more difficult. The converse of this serve, is the masochistic Bullet Serve. This is hit with POWER. But not aimed at the side wall. Aim this directly, at your opponent, ideally like a yorker at cricket. With every good serve , there is a low margin for error, but the rewards are great. To be safe, aim higher, and be like Cupid. Attack the heart. Then there are other options - the surprise down the middle paddle. Be careful here, as it can result in a rubber- burned, bruised bum ! ( Oh, by the way, let’s kill the myth, that different rules apply to service when hitting your opponent.) The PLOP Serve - A soft little shot with no pace , that, JUST, reaches the Service Box and, used selectively has an amazing success rate .Your opponent, normally standing too far back in the court, will see a Million Dollars, and will do some amazingly stupid things with this serve. Hugh Glover’s speciality, the Corkscrew which hits front wall, then side wall, screws high across court, and if hit perfectly, hits the sidewall, and runs parallel with the backwall. But this shot requires lots of practise and skill. And serving from the right hand, and left hand box are 2 vastly different serves. From the right hand box, you have more options. Your angle is wider so you have more choices. You can choose forehand, or backhand both of which change your angle of attack. From the left hand box, you have less options and your angle of attack is more acute. Try here, to angle the serve down the wall, but making contact with the wall is critical, or you leave your opponent too many options to attack. Once you have mastered the various options , then you can start anticipating the rally. The slow lob serve, should produce a weak shot, ready to be cut off, the hard Heart Jammer, should produce a short jabbed cross-court response, the Plop, a mad smash at the ball which could go anywhere, normally cross-court. Often into the tin. If you have all of these variations up your sleeve, the next key is how to use them. Choose one, and make it your speciality. Your signature. But more importantly, test your opponents out, and if you find there is one option where she struggles, pummel that option. But throw in some variation as you go along The best between-game advice I have ever heard, is “Serve More”. Learn to serve well. She will serve you well ! ************************************************************************* 34 years ago, a talented young rugby player, in pursuit of the love of his life, started playing squash. His game was the archetypal moer-en-soek style game. That year, he played for Imatu’s 14th League side. But Mike Roos, was the kind of person, who if he set out on a challenge, would hang in, and despite the difficulties, invariably come out on top. He chased down many a ball, and he chased down and married , EP Squash player, Michelle, who added touch and finesse to his game, and over the years, Mike moved through the ranks to become a respected 1st League and provincial player He won the national SA Police championships on numerous occasions and represented South Africa at the World Police Games where he brought the Bronze medal home. Over the years, Mike adapted his natural gritty, gutsiness of a fetcher to encompass a slow skilled game, but more importantly, he worked at his service which became a shot which, all opponents feared. Mike won many matches, purely because he was able to dominate the rally, because of his serve. Sadly, after a bruising battle with cancer, where he gave as much as the disease could chuck at him, he succumbed to a life with the Lord. Mike Roos served his country as a policeman, honest, down-to-earth and courageous. He served his family, Michelle and daughters Megan and Hannah as a loving and caring father. He served squash, his province and Imatu and Londt Park as a top class player who gave everything on court but nothing to his opponent. Afterwards, he offered friendship, and served drinks to disappointed, defeated opponents, until they had cheered, and just enjoyed his company. Michael Roos – We, the squash folk miss you. But we know, and remember one, who has served. And served well.
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9 April and the Winter Leagues begin. Sarel and Sarah take to the court in the 1st match of the 5th League encounter. They have never played each other before. Sarah arrived at the courts 30 minutes before the match and has changed, checked her kit, has a towel and glass of water at the ready. She is busy with a set of dynamic stretching exercises, where she mimics the movements she will be making on court.
Sarel has just arrived. Rushing from work, he realises that he has not packed any socks so has resigned himself to wearing his brown work socks. Grabbing his racquet, he rushes from change room to court, vaguely stretching hamstrings, and swinging his arms.
The 2 begin their 5 minute warm up. For Sarah, the match has begun. For Sarel, he still has 5 minutes to loosen up. Standing at the back of the court, mindlessly , he bashes the ball, 4 or 5 times to himself, then smacks the ball across to Sarah. She returns the ball high and slow to Sarel, who flicks at the ball, misses, collects the ball, and continues the process of hitting to himself. Hard, short and all over the place. The harder he hits it, the happier he is, irrespective of its direction.
Sarah on the other hand, uses the warm up to get a feel for the court, how hard, and how high she needs to be hitting to find an accurate length. She stands forward in the court, almost at the tee, volleying wherever possible, hitting her cross courts wide, varying her pace and testing Sarel with high slow, lobs. She soon discovers that he is loose and unsure of himself on the backhand volley. Banked - an area she can exploit later. He also vulnerable in the backhand back corner. Another idea - banked. She plays a few drop shots and throws in a couple of boasts. Sarel hurries to the front , and smashes another crosscourt. Another titbit of info , banked. Sarel is probably going to be fast and will fetch everything. Another loose cross court to Sarah, and she volleys, going for the nick. It rolls. A great confidence booster.
After 2 and a half minutes, the referee calls "half time" and the players change sides. Sarel, now on his forehand side, hits the ball even harder , often to himself, sometimes to Sarah. Sarah banks more information. On his forehand, he is much more comfortable, and adventurous, which might result in quite a few unforced errors. But she must be careful of his pace on this side of the court. She tosses up a lob on his forehand, and chest on, he smashes it into the tin.
“Time Please.” – The match is due to begin. Sarel is ready to rock’n roll but all he knows about Sarah, is that she is pretty, has perky boobs and wears a tight-fitting blue top, and white skirt. Sarah is loose, warmed up, and thanks to the warm up, already has a pile of banked ideas she can use to work into a game plan and out-think Sarel, who will probably be stronger and faster than her. *************************************** The above scene will replicate itself at league matches throughout the season. The warm up is so often wasted, and yet it should be a valuable little recce, helping players to read the court, and get a better understanding of their opponent. Some ideas to work into your warm up: All courts are different. Some are hot and bouncy, others are slow , and depending on the weather, can vary even more. Get a feel for the court. How high do you need to hit the ball on the front wall to establish a good length. The Profiles courts are very different to the Londt Park courts, and if you travel to the Rhodes courts , ready yourself for fridge-like conditions. How much height do you have available to you? The Swifts and NMMU courts have lower ceilings and lobbing is a different proposition there, compared to the cavernous Crusaders courts. Establish your length and your width. Hit the ball as wide as possible, aiming to hit the side wall just before , or opposite where your opponent is standing Stand forward, at the tee where you get used to the pace of the ball from front wall to tee. Try to volley as much as possible. Stay away from the back corners. Play your full array of shots. Show your opponent what you can do. Play a few drops, throw the ball up high. Go for the nick. Toss in a little reverse angle. Test him in the air. Test her with pace. Now focus on your opponent and try and establish what type of player he is, so that you can adjust your game plan if necessary. Is your opponent a hard hitting runner, or a lob and drop touch artist . A stroke player or a fetcher. The Warm Up is for BOTH players. While you do not want make your opponent feel comfortable, you have no right to hit the ball 5 or 6 times to yourself and occasionally to your opponent. Juniors are often guilty of this. If you want to lose friends and make enemies, this is a great recipe. And if you are marking a game where one player hogs the warm up, step in and interfere. The Warm Up is a valuable little opportunity for you to find a rhythm and tap into the mind and make up of your opponent. Waste it and you could be found , wanting, and losing. ************************************************ A fortunate few EP Squash Players were treated to tapping into the mind of South Africa’s No 2 lady, Siyoli Waters. Ranked No 36 in the world, and one of The Faces of World Squash’s Olympics Back-the Bid Campaign, the former Clarendon pupil, spent 2 days in PE at the beginning of the month, assisting some of EP’s top ladies, as well as offering a clinic to juniors and the Old Grey Development squad. To crown the visit, she then took on EP No 1 Lizelle Goosen, and then Old Grey No 1, Bonakele Nomkala, in a wonderful display of thinking squash. Her message was clear. We need to gear ourselves to play clever squash. Our practices should be geared towards out-thinking our opponents, and developing skills to be able to play to these game plans. Sadly, many of our EP senior and junior players did not attend , and will continue with their “moer-and-soek” game plans which are solely reliant on fitness and fetching, devoid of skills. Sadly, a potential sponsor was left a little bemused at the poor attendance. Sadly, an opportunity to tap into a player , who has qualified herself at university, and then followed her dream to play on the international circuit, has been wasted. But sometimes, less is more, and those fortunate to have been able to attend, are wiser, and will become better players.
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Whisper the word, GREY, these days and minds wander towards levels of sexcellence, unsurpassed. Mention the word, GREY, in Port Elizabeth, where life is simple and innocent, and minds jump to the famous schools on the hill, and their continuous drive towards Academic and Sporting excellence. Mention the word, GREY, and immediately, the brain ticks into Sergeal Pieterson, Siya Kolisi, JJ Englebrecht, Timmy Whitehead, Luke Watson, Johan Botha, Wayne Parnell, Dave Callaghan, Pieter Strydom, Gavin Cowley, Kevin Paul, Cliff Drysdale, Wayne Graham, the Fensham and Reid-Ross brothers, and of course, Graeme and Peter Pollock - who by the way, both spent their winters trailing the 1st league courts, "keeping fit" for their first choice sport. Peter, a bombastic, bull-dozing player and Graeme, one with silky touch and easy skills. When Squash boomed in the 1970's, Grey was one of the first schools to build courts and today stands proud as one which has added to the heritage of top South African players. Chairman of Squash SA , is Steve Doeg, and Alan and Hugh Colburn, Athol Ryder, Alan and Hugh Glover, Keith Coppin, Morgan Morris, and Mark Rogers, are just a few who have climbed to the top of South African Squash. Amongst the current crop of top EP players, Sean Bailey, Paul Mason, Jarryd Terblanche, Dane Bigara , Morgan Westcott, Peter Ryder and Jacques Theron all learned their squash under the " Tria Juncto in Uno" banner. Not far from the school, nestled in a dried out dam, 'neath the shade of a Police Station, another Centre of Excellence exists. The Old Grey Club. Here, old boys, colleagues and friends gather to continue their cricketing, hockey, rugby, and squash careers, and to quaff, banter, sulk and sluk as they reminisce over their schoolday heroics. On a personal note, the Old Grey Club has changed my life. This is where my wife , first invited me out, led me down the aisle and where we celebrated our wedding. This is where, as a young teacher, I met on Sunday evenings and learned the subtle arts of teaching, not taught at universities from folk like Martin Barker, Blade Mackenzie, and Smiler Hibbert, who interestingly, all waved the squash racquet with different levels of dexterity. Then, it was off to El Cid to "prepare" my Monday morning lessons while eyeing potential and listening to Thommo's tunes. This is where, I played my 1st ,1st League Cricket match where as a guppy opening batsman, I was sent in half an hour before the end of play ( we played 2 afternoon matches those days ) to face the bumping wrath and blistering banter of Spook Hanley, Kevin Helm , Nigel Dutton, and Keith and Terry Reid. This, too, is where I played my 1st, 1st league game of squash. On first, against Brian Corcoran, I bumped my nervous head against the wall of the hole in the wall, which served as a door, and the first game was a hotch-poch of starry mistakes where the wily vet must have wondered where UPE had found this palooka. I salvaged some pride but lost. Then I started to learn, as I was introduced to the regal, gentlemanly skills of Athol Ryder, mixed with the bull-doggish determination of Ross Kobus and the mind-numbing, mind-boggling mind games of Peter Henderson and Benji Lappiner. Against this bunch, there was never an easy game, and you had never won until the last rally. The day that I finally beat Peter "Peppermints in my pocket" Henderson, for the first time, was when I realized that I may have "arrived" as a squash player. The Old Grey Club has always been at the forefront of sport development. When Angela Difford arrived in PE in 1946, the only courts in town were the Old Grey courts, the P.E. Club and those at 42 Air School . Fred Wylde, Jeff Coppin, Bennie Myers and Lyall Mitchell were the stalwarts who launched and guided Old Grey and EP Squash from its beginnings. Like our friend, Christian Grey, these men also sought to pleasure their women, and it was they, who gave permission for ladies to use the courts after 8pm on a Tuesday night, and on one morning during the week! Despite opposition from Peter Pollock, who claimed that schoolboys were not strong enough to compete in Men's League, the school has for years had a handful of sides in the League - one of the reasons why they are one of the leading squash schools in the country. Not only is Men's League exposure good for their squash, but it is also a wonderful leveler and good for "general education and maturity" More recently, Gavin Ferguson, Richard Gillies, Wout Offerman, Jimmy Catt and Mike Burmeister have guided the Old Grey ship through good and bad times. Some may measure a club on League titles, but these do not make a club .It is the people, the personalities, the spirit and the vibe abounding within the club. And Old Grey has had personalities, a-plenty. Foes on-court, friends off-court. I think of Andy Vogel, leaning on racquet, panting, a seemingly spent force that just kept on coming back at you, of Steve Smith, tall and gangly, mad and mystical, of Ronnie Halse, a gunpowder keg waiting to explode, Gary Capel, lover of marathon squash matches and marathon party sessions, of Keith Stewart, so talented, so laid back, of argumentative Adrian Smith, gregarious Georgiou Giaconi, robust Rob Judd and the inimitable Ian Jones. I think of pupils, who have become "playmates" - Carlo Giaconi, Pieter Strydom, Andrew Reekie, Andrew Whitehead, Brad Muller and Andrew Miskin, amongst others. When Doubles Squash started gaining popularity, Old Grey became the hub for Doubles squash, and still today, their Summer League is weighted towards Doubles. When the call for the development of township squash players came, Old Grey, under the guidance of Darryl Smith, took up the cudgels. At great cost to its members, the club has taken development to new levels, where the programme is not just about squash - it embraces commitment, commitment to attendance, to pass exams, and hopefully, to become more part of the club . The group of 10-12 players, who travel by taxi and foot, practise every Saturday under the wise and beady guidance of Scotty Moffatt. And within 3 years, they are all competing at very high levels. Thando Ncamani , Awonke Mdana and Yanga Manxaba are hovering at 1st and 2nd League level and EP player, Bonakele Nomkala , though not part of the programme, is the current club No 1. In 2013, Old Grey takes a new leap into the future, with the opening of their re-furbished glass-backed courts, with ample watching and relaxing space, (hopefully a pub) and again a first - The first Doubles Court in Port Elizabeth. The courts will become a haven for Grey pupils - safe, accessible, family-friendly and coaching-friendly .EP Squash can only await a new wave of squash players bursting forth. The Old Grey Club is an institution of excellence.Within traditions and the deeply entrenched ethos of sportsmanship and camaraderie, it will continue to be a cornerstone of EP squash. Perhaps, our friend, Christian, should be invited to learn some lessons on class and trail-blazing innovation.
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Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, when racquets were wooden, and squash shoes were takkies, I was asked to have a game against a businessman who was visiting Port Elizabeth. My opponent was a 50-something veteran and I thought I was doing the old bugger a favour while I had an easy little sweat before heading off to a student power-drink. With my speed, fitness and youthfulness, I would run the “Old Man” off his feet. I did have an easy little sweat! Less than 30 minutes later, I was sipping at some consolation beers as I wiped my mesmerised eyes from a boasted defeat where every single loose or short length was angled, either, rolling into the nick, or sucking me so out of position that recovery was forlorn. The man I had just played was Storr Hunter, a legend of South African squash. The Boast was Storr Hunter’s signature shot, which he practised and played with targeted precision. I had been taught a very important squash lesson. Never under-estimate an opponent. And over the next few beers, I sat at his knee and was taught more lessons. Lessons about the Boast, a Beauty and A Beast. ************************************** Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, prisoners in the Debtors Jails in England, started hitting balls made from dog’s hair and batty-racquets, against the walls of the prison courtyard. Morphing out of tennis, and borne out of boredom, the game gradually evolved, via racquets, fives and eventually at the school of Harrow, into squash, where a rubber ball punched with a hole to slow things down, was used. (As the game gained popularity, interestingly, open-air “courts” were often found linked to taverns where players could quench their thirsts for both exercise and socialising … This tradition has not changed.) Initially, the players only hit the ball directly against the front wall but then they became boastful, and deviant, and cheeky, and started to trick their opponents by hitting the ball onto the side wall first, to change the direction of the play. And so this shot, called The Boast, came into being. The Beauty, who can give you the edge, or The Beast who will expose you, dreadfully. It is not natural to hit the ball in one direction in order that it goes in another. Nor is it natural to hit a ball into a wall closest to you. Beginners often struggle to get used to this unique aspect of squash. But as they become attuned to the game, this shot adds a whole new dimension to their repertoire, moving the opponent away from the tee, and ideally, into the front corners. The boast is also the key, to getting yourself “out of jail” when pressurised into those pits of the horrible back corners. The Beginner’s Nightmare. So The Boast, or Angle, adds an Attacking, and a Defensive arrow to your quiver of artillery. And for the “Beginner getting Better”, it is often the difference between victory and defeat. Sadly, the Boast soon becomes a Beast. As they progress, the success that it brings , becomes addictive, and they are seduced into playing it more and more frequently, sometimes to the point of abuse. And somewhere in this progression, the Beauty becomes the Beast. An addictive, reflex needle that does horrible damage. Understanding the difference between Attack and Defence becomes the new key. Used defensively, and hit higher, the Beautiful Boast gets you out of trouble, and gives you time to recover to the tee. Used on attack, with varying pace, off loose drives or crosscourts, it sucks the opponent off the tee, and into distant front corners, where their options for attack are limited. But …if played badly, and too often, she is a Beast, merely opening up the court for your opponent, and offering numerous easy options, to punish you again, and send you scurrying off , fetching more, while the tee is dominated So how do we develop this mathematical precision of angled boasting ? Probably the most over-used and abused squash practice, is the Boast-and-Drive routine. Because it is an easy routine, it is one which coaches use ad infinitum, often to the players’ detriment. Practised lazily, it achieves little and imprints a host of squash sins into the muscle-memory of the brain.But practised correctly, where both players simulate match conditions, move to the tee, prepare their racquets and allow themselves space, it produces magic which will add huge value to anyone’s game as it practises technique, control, improved movement and fitness. And ironically, because the boast forces an increase in shoulder turn, a player’s drive often improves via this routine. Like most things of beauty, the Boast should be used selectively in order to be appreciated. And if one watches the top players, the mantra of, “When you are crying out to boast, DON’T” shouts loudly. They use her very selectively, and they appreciate and practise all of her beautiful subtleties and variations. The bulleted low 3-walled nick, the floated sucker, the tantalizing trickle boast, the lifted stay-alive time-saver, the revolting, rectangular reverse angle, the high cork-screwer which pulls the opponent back into the opposite corner, the back-walled floater, and on the Doubles court, the middle-court mover which pulls both opponents out of position. Storr Hunter left a legacy of sportsmanship, commitment, graciousness and humility, and is remembered for these qualities at the SA Masters inter-provincial. But that afternoon, he left an indelible mark in my memory. What a wonderful man. What a wonderful athlete. What an incredible Boaster ! So, all ye Squash Players, go forth in triumph. Seek the Beauty in the Boast. Banish the addictive Beast into Neverland. And you will play, and win, and live, happily ever after.
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Mohammed el Shorgaby and Ramy Ashour played out one of the massive matches of 2012 last week in the finals of the World Open, but that was just a Curtain Raiser to The Clash of The Bushbuck Emslie and The Staple-gun on Wednesday, 19 December on Court 2 at The Crusaders Castle. The two combatants have over the last 30 years or so, met on probably close to 1000 times with the weighting slightly advantaged on the Bushbuck side. Having said that, probably close to 95% of the matches have been tight 5-set tussles of tactical genius, below-the-belt banter and psychological strangulation. But this year, there has been a void. The Staple-gun, with shorn knee, was sidelined for 6 months, and time-tables and schedules have prevented any meetings. This was to be a Once-off, Winner-Takes-All clash. The Hansas, waited, gloriously cold, gold, and dripping. And the tactical ploys were plotted, as The Bushbuck, playing for time, like Zum-Zum, arrived late, keeping The Gun in loosening up limbo for longer than expected. But this was good as it allowed for the bar to be filled and the crowds to settle. The vibe was electric, the heat stifling, as the tall, larger-bellied Emslie, demurely dressed in blue and the braced Stapleton, resplendent in Black and White ( and yellow shoes) lobbed the ball to their special level of warmth. The 1st game see sawed as the 2 felt each other out, amidst some amateurish errors which kept each other in the game, and despite a slender 8-6 lead, the underdog, The Staple- Gun misfired, once, twice, and thrice to allow The Buck in to claim First Blood. And then The Buck hit his straps, looping his lobs higher and distilling his drops with icy touch, he bucked into a convincing lead. He was chased, and there was hope, but the gap was too far, the mistakes too many, and The Staple-gun stared at 0-2 deficit. Quietly, head covered in towel, he sucked at his water, and called on reserves of energy and experience. The crowds were ahush. They had not anticipated a possible 3-0 Bok-naai. Quickly, they hastened to the bar to Hansa their glasses in the hope of a come-back. And when the back is against the wall, the real Inner Man is revealed. The Gun was not going to lie down. He came out firing. Lifting his serves higher, hunting his volley, and more importantly, like a hunter, patiently waiting, he stalked The Buck. Mistakes now moved across to the Emslie racquet, and a game was saved. Sweaty shirts were swopped as the 2 returned to the court. This was The Gun’s last chance. Could he sustain the pressure? “Yes” , he cried, “I can” and the 4th followed much the same . Close, but The Gun’s barrel was smoking, and The Buck, panting, seemed non-plussed. His magic had left him. His mastery, missing. Now, it was time for The Buck to disrobe, and like a Knight in White Satin, he returned, new grip, new resolve, and like the first, the scores wobbled, to and fro. This was cut-and-thrust stuff. No quarter given. No quarter asked. Neck-and-neck they rallied. 7-7, 8-8, 9-9, and then a nick from the sinewy strings of The Buck. 10-9. Match point. Saved. 10-10. Staple-gun serves. A fired blast, straight at the heart of The Buck. He stands. Eyes wide, and is caught. He turns, and concedes, handshake offered. The crowd are a-wonder. The score is only 11-10. Honesty prevails and The Staple-gun now serves for the match. The Season’s Glory. The Ribboned Coat. The Hansa’d Hero. But no. As in the first, mistakes leak from his Tecnifibre. One – a drop into the tin. (11-11) Two. A lifted cross court lob. Too high. 12 -11, and Three. Another dropped drop. 13-11. The Bushbuck raises his hands, racquet released, in victory. The Staple-gun salutes, beaten, buggered but not bent. The Best Man Won. The crowds crush towards their heroes as they gather to share the fruits of others labours. The Hansa’s are opened. Memories of many matches are re-called. The Rivalry will continue It is agreed. In 2013, we will “ Squeeze and Strangle”. Impetuous, impatient, grabbing and gobbling will not be part of our games.
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‘Tis time. ‘Tis time to sweep out the old, and bring in the new. ‘Tis time to commit to the resolutions so resolutely resolved amidst dancing and champaigning, feasting, flirting and mistletoe kissing at New Year’s parties. I speak for myself, when I say, “We are all sinners” but, it is said that if we acknowledge our sins, we will be forgiven, and we can move forward. What better time, if we are to be flirteen with 2013, to re-look at ourselves and our squash game? Where better to start than at the 7 Deadly Sins? Some suggested resolutions are offered . Wrath Such a debilitating emotion with no positive side-effects. Wander around the courts and listen to the names that squash players call themselves. From Idiot to “Slap chip” to other unmentionables. If Motivational Speakers’ claim that “What you say, is what you become!” is true, it is quite scary. All starts equal but as mistakes creep in, frustration sets in and imperfect shots proliferate. The anger increases. Concentration defuses and all deteriorates. Implosion awaits. And when the marker then calls against the Imploder, the implosion accelerates. This year, I will be calm, and confident and I will praise myself with positive thoughts. I will smile on the Squash Court. The Referees see the match from a different perspective and I may not always agree with them but I will treat them with respect and friendliness. And even if they call against me, I will smile. (Do you know how that works on a referee?) Greed We live in times of instant gratification, and when we start winning, we want more, and we want it NOW. We start looking towards the end goal. We anticipate winning, and we forget our Game Plan of how we actually came to be winning. Now, we start looking for easy points, with whizzing nicks, revolting reverse angles and chaotic cross-courts from dismal defensive situations. And the opponent crawls back, and nervousness creeps in. This year, I will play point-for-point, stick to my game plan and be prepared to be patient, working hard for every point. I will force my opponent into mistakes. More matches are lost, than are won. This year, I will squeeze and strangle, rather than grab and gobble. Sloth How difficult is it to get out of this Festive season slothy mode of late morning lie-ins and boozy binges? The layoff will have slowed you down, and the belly may be bulging. Bite the bullet. Waiting for fitness to “arrive” is postponing life. Use squash to retrieve your fitness. The first step is always the hardest, the first cut, the deepest. Book a court and get back into the swing. That stiff after-match bum is something to look forward to, because you know that you are back. Start slowly, and be regular. One of our biggest sins is lazy recovery to the tee. This has a horrible snowballing effect, resulting in all sorts of other sins. Rushing to the ball, over-running, bad balance, no space to swing and enforced cross-courts I will book a court and organize a match this week. This year, I will focus on recovery to the tee. That will be my quickest movement. Once there, I will glide to the ball, racquet ready and prepared. Pride Pride comes before the fall. Squash, like all sports, is a great leveler. How often do we fall into the pit of thinking ourselves invincible after a good win or 3? How often, do we rush into a seemingly unassailable lead, and then relax, thinking, all is too easy? How often, do we under-estimate an opponent, and have to scramble, back against the wall to survive? How often is your post-match beer spoiled by the boasting of one who has just won? This year, I will treat all opponents with respect and I will appreciate all my wins, quietly, and with humility. I will let others tell of my telling drop shots, my springbok speed and my acute agility. This year, I will respect the age-old mantra of The Best Man Won, and I will learn from my losses Lust Squash players are known for their appreciation of beauty in all its forms. Be it a beautiful clinging drive or a leggy lass, learning the ropes. And Squash is one of the few games where female and male contest and compete together, play with and against each other. And breathe and sweat heavily together. But Squash players are disciplined, respectable folk, who see only black and white. There are no shades of grey. For them, the game provides the bodily pleasure However, Lust in its broader context, is also an intense desire for money, fame or power. There is little money in the game and fame is for the very few. But Power, in squash context, can be dangerous. One of the joys of the game is to “klap” that ball at a million miles an hour, and hear that “thwack- smack” as racquet meets ball and ball meets wall. But Power corrupts, and the harder we hit the ball, the less we control it, leaving openings for the skilled, to use your power to control you and dominate the tee. This year, I will hit the ball at 75% power. I will use tightness and control to move my opponent out of position, and only then, will I lustfully explode Envy So often, we watch others and wish that that we could be like them. To control the ball like Kyle, to retrieve like Rudi, to move like Michelle. While imitation is a great way of learning, the answer to this envy lies within you. Squash is not a difficult game and you are unique. If you are prepared to work at your game, you can improve very quickly. This year, I will analyse my game, identify my strengths and weaknesses, and spend time on court, practising properly with targets, working on my weaknesses and making my strengths, stronger Gluttony Too much of anything is not good. Too much squash can result in burn out and boredom. Seek other pleasures to balance your life. A break now and then is good, and often you come back, playing better. As disciplined as we Squash Players are, there are times of over-indulgence when the released happy endorphins over-flow into frothy beers and post-league festivities. This normally happens when the host side has taken the time to offer catering at their club. And this is good. This is where friends are made, losses become lessons and the real goodness of squash evolves This year I will use other activities to help train my squash brain and I will encourage my team to cater for opposition teams. I will find 5 new players who will add to my experience and my network of friends. Go now. You are forgiven. You are cleansed. ‘Tis time for the season. ‘Tis time to play. ‘Tis time to improve. ‘Tis time to make friends. ‘Tis time to lose. ‘Tis time to win. ‘Tis time.
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For those looking for something a little different for your Squashaholic partner,Shot and a Ghost, the debut book by leading English squash player James Willstrop, could be your answer. Shortlisted for this year's William Hill Sports Book of the Year Award, this is no ordinary squash book Purely from a squash perspective, the book is intriguing as it takes you behind the scenes into the loneliness of squash in the limelight . Through a year in the life, you feel the exhilaration of victory, the anguish, anger and introspection of losses, the tears, the trauma of injury, the toughness of the training, the fears. Quite starkly, the life of a Professional Squash Player, is portrayed, and it is not always pretty. But this is not just about squash. This is about an individual, and relationships. Born into a squash family, his father, Malcolm, is one of the leading squash coaches in the world. Both are forthright individuals, not scared to say their say. So theirs is not an easy relationship, but built on respect , they survive and grow. Sadly, the tale of mom, Lesley’s battle with a tougher challenge, cancer, runs parallel with his year of squash challenges. And then the relationships between players, living and competing together, the support of his partner, leading Dutch player, Vanessa Atkinson, and the team who work with him Through the diarized format, you are invited into the mind of Willstrop, the man, the individual and his almost schizophrenic existence. A vegetarian, lover of arts, and theatre, a party animal chained by the disciplines of a champion, a writer, and a fighter, a sensitive soul clashing with the brutal needs of professional sport. In a sport blighted by bad behavior on court, Willstrop, despite being 6ft 4, and not ideally suited to squash, is a sportsman to the fingertips, and one , from whom squash players can learn many lessons, about squash, and about life. This book is a Goodie. **************************************************** To those not initiated into the wonderful world of squash, the list of other sports books nominated for the William Hill Sports Book Award are:
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For those looking for something a little different for your Squashaholic partner,Shot and a Ghost, the debut book by leading English squash player James Willstrop, could be your answer. Shortlisted for this year's William Hill Sports Book of the Year Award, this is no ordinary squash book Purely from a squash perspective, the book is intriguing as it takes you behind the scenes into the loneliness of squash in the limelight . Through a year in the life, you feel the exhilaration of victory, the anguish, anger and introspection of losses, the tears, the trauma of injury, the toughness of the training, the fears. Quite starkly, the life of a Professional Squash Player, is portrayed, and it is not always pretty. But this is not just about squash. This is about an individual, and relationships. Born into a squash family, his father, Malcolm, is one of the leading squash coaches in the world. Both are forthright individuals, not scared to say their say. So theirs is not an easy relationship, but built on respect , they survive and grow. Sadly, the tale of mom, Lesley’s battle with a tougher challenge, cancer, runs parallel with his year of squash challenges. And then the relationships between players, living and competing together, the support of his partner, leading Dutch player, Vanessa Atkinson, and the team who work with him Through the diarized format, you are invited into the mind of Willstrop, the man, the individual and his almost schizophrenic existence. A vegetarian, lover of arts, and theatre, a party animal chained by the disciplines of a champion, a writer, and a fighter, a sensitive soul clashing with the brutal needs of professional sport. In a sport blighted by bad behavior on court, Willstrop, despite being 6ft 4, and not ideally suited to squash, is a sportsman to the fingertips, and one , from whom squash players can learn many lessons, about squash, and about life. This book is a Goodie. **************************************************** To those not initiated into the wonderful world of squash, the list of other sports books nominated for the William Hill Sports Book Award are:
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As we move towards Christmas, all will be inundated with Lists. Christmas Wish Lists, lists of dreams, targets and goals , shopping lists, stationery lists and school uniform lists and the lists will go on. So why not a list of all the things we love … and hate ,…about Squash I love : - packing my squash bag in anticipation of a match . - planning the game and how to counter my opponent’s strengths and attack possible weaknesses - the pre-match change room banter – some bold, some brave, others quietly confident - the tightness and tension of the stretch as mind and body synch into preparation for battle - the whack- smack of the ball as it warms , waiting to be bliksemmed - the floated lob serve, high, no pace, tantalising, dropping as opponent flounders, and “vloeks” silently. - a fired hard serve, straight at opponent’s heart and the jabbed response. With me ,waiting. - that drilling drive, clinging to the wall, dying in the distant corner. - the exhilaration of the volley, zinging into the nick, and rolling - the softness of the dropshot , teasing …whispering - the lift and lilt of the lob, the outstretched racquet reaching… not quite. - my opponent chasing , fetching, stretching himself into a dribble of sweat. - The tussle of mind, out-thinking. Body, out-muscling. The ebb and flow of concentration conflicting - A cursing, cussing, combusting opponent. Imploding - The relief and joy, eyes closed, as the final point is won, body tired. - The handshake and friendly meeting of eyes between two who have competed, and forgotten frustrations of the day. - The shared beer(s), cold and comfortable in hand… analysis, advice and commiserations - Sitting naked, towel-wrapped, reflecting. The blob of wet, sweaty clothes lying limp below your nose, as perspiration drips - the poste-match change room banter of brilliance, others quietly gloating, knowing that The Best Man Won - The spikey warmth of the shower as it massages body , battered from contesting - The camaraderie of the league team, season’s soulmates - Watching the top players, seemingly effortless movement, their control, skills, anticipation and retrieving - Watching social players whack, hack and woer themselves around the court, where danger of being beheaded or bruised lurks but so much fun is had - Tournaments and Tours. Friendships found and re-newed - The coach’s inner reward of seeing a pupil growing, gradually, as a player, and as a person - The endorphic release and saturated joy after a tough training session - The stiff and sore after-match, morning–after bum I hate: - Non-response from sms-ed potential opponents - arriving at the courts, in anticipation and the realisation that shoes/ shorts have not been packed. No underwear is ok, in fact, quite nice, sometimes !! - Non-arrival of opponent - Courts booked, and not played - Eskom interruptions and slippery floors - That opponent who smacks the ball 5 times to self, and occasionally to you - Those days when bad bio-rythyms make the racquet feel like a beach bat - Pre-match excuses, in-match excuses, post- match excuses - That zingy, stingy pain as smoking rubber burns into fleshy thigh, drilling down to bone, leaving bluey-brown-yellow memories - The cold sweat and swelling realisation that the twisted ankle is something more serious. - The clunking noise of ball meeting tin. - The internal anger of allowing opponent to creep back from a 4-10 deficit. - Cursing and cussing players who think all refs are idiots, with personal vendettas and pre-planned strategies to spoil a perfectly normal game of squash. - Cold Showers. - Warm beers – but they’ll still be drunk. - League players who play-and-go for no-rhyme-or-reason. -
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Friends, Sports Lovers and Squash Players, Lend me your ears … All the world's a Squash Court,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. Apologies to that Shakespeare fellow, who seemed to have a mystical view of the psyche of Squash Players who have been bliksemming balls around courts since their days in the Debtors Jails. Methinks, that had he been exposed to the game, based on his writing, he would have been a fine strokemaker, using powerful driving lines intertwined with delicate touches and an intricate understanding of all the nuances of his opponents’ weaknesses and strengths. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms. There are some who are lucky, born into squash-playing families with racquet-shaped silver spoons, and paraded in their prams alongside the courts as their parents free themselves of the angst and anxiety of everyday life. Like “Mom”, and “Dad”, lengths and lobs become part of their’ vocabulary, Tee is a position, not a letter, and they visualise in wonder, suckling bottles, longing for the days of a beer after a game. Others are born into oblivion, ignorant Calibans, knowing nothing of the cut and thrust, ranging rallies and competitive joy de’vivre of the game. They will be late-starters but Squash is a simple game, for simple folk, with simple needs so there is little lost, if via labour, one is not thrown pre-maturely into that bubbling cauldron of Squash Witches and Jesters.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school.
Here is where most will be measured, measure for measure – for their Squash cloth and racquets. Unwilling as they may be for scholastic teaching, squash will open opportunities for them to bash, and smash, compete, travel and teach them about life. Those fortunate ones, whose schools have had the foresight to squash long-term opportunities into their sporting curriculum, are introduced into a game which is far more than much ado about nothing. Initially their play is a helter skelter, as-you-like-it, comedy of errors, but gradually they boast themselves into being able to meet and compete And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Once introduced, most are smitten by this Lover, who offers so much, and takes so little. Sweaty, fervent and fertile, they fall in love with The Game. Not for them, the long-distance affair of a boring fielding afternoon, or the one-night stand of a disappointing duck-walk. Not for the squash player, the orgiastic mauling, broken bodies, fiendish fitness sessions and brain-bashing of rabid rugby coaches, rancid with self-fulfilment. Not for her, the Midsummer Night’s mind-numbing meander of swimming endless lengths, long before others have even dreamed of awakening. Nay, their dreams, are distilled with drop-shots, and Romeo-like, they sneak away to their beloved, in cloistered rooms with balconies for quick adventures, which will leave them tired, satisfied, and yearning for more. “ More” they scream, as now, they become brave and boastful, trying new shots and experimenting with wild ideas and gay abandon. But lacking discipline and experience, often, they are chastened. They will lose on occasions, but actually, they will never lose, as each loss is a lesson, and victories, hard fought, will be paraded as they start reaching for the stars and Ranking Lists. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. With the Game seeping into blood, muscle and psyche, they become fighters. They train with discipline , climb the ranks, and seek promotion. Now, it is about hustle, and bustle, toil and trouble. While there may be winters of discontent, leading to Hamlet-like introspection, these are often indications of improvement, and are made glorious by victorious notches, carved into their racquets. Macbeth-like ambitious, brave, and valiant, they thirst for recognition, sponsorship and superiority. Sadly, fame and fortune, are distant cousins in the World of Squash but that camaraderie of troops in the trenches, is special. Strong bonds are bound as they suffer injury, insult and are prepared to shed blood, in pursuit of glory. Their lives are embroiled in mantras of, “As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.” In modern parlance, “The Best Man Won” And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. Gradually, other slices of life assume more importance. Family, business and prosperity take control, and now the Lover, becomes an ally and friend, lowering stress, maintaining health, and keeping Falstaffian flab from floundering. And sometimes, perchance, to offer beery solace amongst other Masters when the Merchants of Business come seeking their pounds of flesh. Wizened, their skills sharpened, they use the brain to outwit and as the movement slows, the desire for a quickened nick outweighs the drool for a draining rally. Giving, becomes more important than taking, and secrets are shared with those who are making the same mistakes, which caused crying, wailing and gnashing of youthful teeth in their days of yore. And the cycle is continued, as children are led to the same havens, where once, these Masters were baptised into the game. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. Eventually, booming drives disappear and even bulleted nicks lose significance, as The Game which has offered companionship for so long, now slows to a pitter patter of gentle rallies, amidst chatter of tales of trials and triumph. To Tee, or not To Tee, is replaced with the stark reality that they will not, Forever Be. That they will shift from this Squashed cocoon. But still, they come to the water’s edge, cherishing, thirsting and cheered that the baton has been passed and they can feed on watching the Young Ones take control. As they shuffle from this mortal coil, they take their bows, their ashes, dusted into the cracks of the courts they have courted, and they know that they have been embraced by a Lover, who they have caressed for Life.
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First of all, thanks to all Organisers and Participants for another great week in East London. Always such a great tournament venue. Please pass on my personal thanks to your committee, and all of those involved in setting up and organising some great memories ( and beautiful weather). During the week and at the AGM on Wednesday, various thoughts and ideas were thrown about, and I really believe for this tournament, to sustain its popularity, certain tweeks need to be made. The thoughts, made below, are personal , and some maybe views stolen during the week but may create some discussion points and lay the groundwork for comments and workable, practical changes. While I have run Jarvis/Kaplan Cups, I have no experience in the organisation of a Masters so some of the proposals may not be logistically possible Negatives For me it is an expensive week, building tournament fees, accomodation, sundry meals, the odd 47 beers, and placatory wife/husband gifts into equation. It is a long week, where 5 of my 21 days annual leave are arguably "selfishly" spent Within the week, there is a lot of "dead" time, and when the inevitable withdrawal does occur, a "dead" day is even worse Perceptions and Questions There are less of the top quality players choosing to attend, hence a discrepancy in the standard of A Section players Provinces would rather enter into the B Section and win the section, than play in the A Section Finding a venue for the Functions is probably the Organisers biggest problem, and begs the Question. Do we need all of the Centralised Functions ? Proposals Reduce the number of days, which will reduce the accomodation costs Start the tournament on Friday evening - after The Captain's Meeting. Skip the Welcoming Function ( Another cut in costs) Clubs which host matches be encouraged to host smaller functions on a rotational basis Play 3 sessions of matches on Saturday , Sunday and Monday (9 , 12.30 and 4.30) - players would probably have 2 days where they play 2 matches and there will still be time for entertainment Reduce matches to 11 Points in A and B sections A Sections be made up of 3 Man teams. ( Possibly 3 Men and 2 Women making up a 5 person Team) B Sections be made up of 4 Man teams All other sections 5 Man teams Provinces be challenged with the task of loading Scoring Systems so that better "ranking" of players is achieved, which may then allow for a similar system to be used which was applied in the Women's sections. Am not sure how well that worked but I have my doubts if you would be able to do that in the Men's sections without some form of Centralised system which loosely ranks players , similar to a Golf Handicap system Once again, thanks for all your efforts and all the time that was put into the organisation. The Organisers/Administrators are seldom appreciated for the work they do. Please pass on my thanks. It was great to once again gather, klap,get klapped, see old friends, meet new friends, watch some great squash and share lots of beers and laughs All the best for the Doubles in November, and , if I don't seee you during the year, depending on circumstances I will see you at next year's tournament Alan Stapleton
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Apologies if this column is a little self-indulgent, but after 49 Balls to the Walls, my pickled little brain is feeling like a dried potjie pot, like an unlit squash court. 2012 has been a tough year. ( Don’t we say that every year ? And doesn’t the flu get worse every year ?) As times get tougher, the pace of life becomes faster, and we helter skelter into all sorts of activities. September, traditionally, is hectic with budgets, and planning for Strategic Planning and millions of other little issues that that need to be tied up before Financial Year Ends. And it has been equally as hectic in the Squash World. Sitting down, and reflecting, I have learned that September has made me a wiser man. It all started with a Coaches Course which, sometimes are a bit laborious. But this one was Alive with shared ideas and experiences. Somehow the magic was right and it became an interactive weekend of sharing, and not pouring information into empty vessels. Whoever said “ You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” should have been on that course. I have learned that you can learn from even the most inexperienced. We are all teachers.
September saw the drawing down of the curtains on the Winter Leagues. While Londt Park Ladies and NMMU coasted through in the 1st League, things became tight, and tense in the lower leagues, where REAL squash is played . If you want to experience agony, ecstacy , angst and jubilation , pop down to an 11th League encounter and watch as those competitive juices start flowing. With my wonky knee slowing my gazelle-like leaps to the doef-doef plundering of a kudu, I dropped a league. And joined a group of guys who I had not played with before and had an awesome time. We came within a sniff of stealing the league but were always just too far behind. And when we look back, those who won the Leagues will receive their trophies at The EP AGM and Prize Giving on 31 October, but they will soon be forgotten, and the people we played against will be remembered. I have learned that, ( apologies to that Grantland Rice fellow) “… it’s not whether you won or lost, but how you played the game, but how you socialised and how many friends you made after the game”
Zoom, and we were off to East London for what used to be the biggest squash tournament in the world, the Masters Inter-Provincial. Sadly, while it was a great tournament, signs of the times, tough economic conditions saw the event shrink from just under a 1000 people to about 700. Still massive but alarum bells, they must be ringing. Changes will have to be made to the format in terms of time and expenses, or the numbers will continue to dwindle. As a result of the limited entries, the 50-55 age group team were pushed down to join the juniors (45-50 boytjies) , and we shivered as we browsed through the names of the opposition. Former SA No 1 Trevor Wilkinson and the like stared at us. We came, we competed, we survived… just, and we surprised ourselves. More importantly, we met some wonderful people and old friendships were re-kindled I learned that if you set the bar too low, you are going to bump your head I also learned, that my body is a temple, and should not be abused As we landed back in the Bay, the Brian Bands NMMU Open was starting. Theoretically-speaking, the strength of a province’s squash (and sport, for that matter) is often directly related to the strength of the universities in the province. But the administration of students is a nightmarish task, where their commitment is similar to Kevin Pieterson’s humility and trying to get students involved in administration is about as easy as getting Heyneke to change his game-plan. For a number of years, NMMU squash has limped along as “also rans” without too much hype and activity, and with sides dotted around in various leagues , normally filled by non-students. Earlier in the year, discussions were held, and things became a bit heated with a war of words being shot across e-mails. Maybe things needed to be said as the club has gradually flowered. Via their bursary programme, NMMU has attracted and retained some exciting players , ( if we could just persuade them to play for EP), the 1st league side clinched the Super League and the 1st League for, as far as I can remember, the 1st time, the courts were jazzed up with squashy pictures and posters, and the little pub became abuzz with activity. To crown it all, with the support of Pierre Bester , the Brian Bands NMMU Open was launched. And what a marvellous success with players of all abilities contesting A,B and C divisions. Disappointingly, many of the top EP players had other commitments but Jason le Roux did an outstanding job in attracting Adi Hansen, Rudi Willemse and Gary Wheadon, all top 10 ranked players, a pod of players from George, and Cape Town and Pano Hjiphilippou who travelled down from Gauteng. With Brinley Forbes, Durandt Martin and Johan Thiel set to join Jason Le Roux, Kyle Schwarz, Dane Bigara, Jarryd Terblanche and Andre Labuschagne, arguably the most improved player in the province and with Sarah O Grady and Kate Pearson stepping up to the plate, is NMMU Squash set to launch into a golden period ? I have learned that a few well- chosen words used at a well-chosen time can produce well-chosen results I have learned that confrontation is not nearly as bad as you thought it was going to be I have learned that despite all the bad news, there are still some very good people out there. Read Brian Bands Sports. To round off the month, The Difford Cup, a tournament, cateringfor women who have not played provincial squash, was played at Westview. Another resounding success with an entry of 32 players, and an exciting blend of experience and youth. Wendy Theron defeated Kendall Rowe in the 5-set final and Hayley Ward fought her way from 13th seed to beat Megan Crook for the 3rd position. Some incredibly tight encounters but all played in the sporting spirit that would make the Olympic officials proud. Finally, I have learned that Squash is a magnificent conduit to health, a wealth of friends, and good times ******************************************************** Where will you be on 20 October ? What will you be doing on World Squash Day ?
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Isidingo, Sewende Laan , Alcatraz and Idols were all put on hold for 2 weeks in July as South Africans marveled at the lithesome and ( I am told) hunky bodies of Olympian athletes striving to go faster, be stronger and jump higher in their various areas of excellence . Even The Shades of Grey , and some experimental gymnastics were put on the backburner as London stood proudly, a magnificent host. But where was Squash ? Surely, a sport played globally in about 150 countries by over 20 million people could justify its position at this, The Theatre of the World of Sport ? Squash administrators have made 3 bids to the IOC with little success. The financial strength of a sport carries weight and there must be a great deal of politicking that precursors inclusion at The Games. But there are criteria set out by the IOC and a 2/3 majority vote is required. In 2016, Golf and Sevens Rugby will be included, and 7 new sports - Squash, karate, baseball, softball, wakeboarding, roller skating and wushu ??? - have been short-listed for inclusion at the 2020 Games. Arguments that have been leveled against squash are : While it is a wonderful participation sport, it is not the greatest spectator sport. Only limited spectatorship can be accommodated. The differing scoring systems caused confusion Matches take too long Squash does not “translate” well into TV viewing And finally, and sadly, the behaviour of the players and their running battle with referees does not fit into the ethos of the Olympics. The recent changes in the game, have been implemented, largely because of the demands made via these bids. The point-a-rally scoring system is now used at all levels to avoid the confusion created by the hand-in, hand out system. This has had the added benefit of shortening the length of matches, which with the old system, were becoming tests of attrition, lasting up to 2 hours at the highest levels. The new scoring has also made for more exciting shot-play and dramatic retrieving which has also re-vitalised the sport. Championship Courts – All Glass and allowing for spectators to sit all around the court are portable and tournaments can literally be played anywhere. Grand Central Station in New York and The Sphynx are just 2 recent famous venues. While squash is regarded as an ”elitest, educated” sport, ( although this was not very evident at the Grey High Sports Trivia evening) it is not a rich organization, hence the lack of TV visibility but by using a white ball, coloured floors, more effective lighting and “hawk-eye” slo-mo’s , the sport has become more TV friendly. A 3-referee system has been trialed ,and the Code of Conduct rulings have been far more forcibly enforced. But if Squash hopes to win its way into the Olympics in 2020, competitive Squash players will need to take the onus on their shoulders, and realize that contesting Referees’ decisions, achieves NOTHING. The Referee cannot actually change his decision, so their crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth, is pointless. On court, off court and for the bigger benefit of the sport. In the meantime, The WSF has put together an ambitious global drive , entitled Back the Bid, and as part of this campaign, 20 October has been ear-marked as World Squash Day with a 20-20 theme. Squash clubs around the world are called on to rally their members, to once again set aside their Shades of Grey trilogies and organize an orgy of squash matches with teams of 20 players a side, either internally, or against another club, in 1 game, 20 point matches. World Squash Day organisers hope the total figure of competitors will run into tens of thousands, placing it as one of the biggest sports fixtures in history, as well as certainly the biggest squash match ever. Results can all be down-loaded and hopefully the world Squash Family will show the IOC, that Squash deserves that illusive Olympic status. Nicks and nacks Last month, I mentioned that Lizelle Goosen had defeated English international, Emma Beddoes. Lizelle actually lost to Beddoes, but Lauren Siddall, also internationally ranked was brought to her knees by the leggy Lizelle Sadly ,the PE leg of the Jesters Under 23 Circuit has been cancelled due to lack of funding, despite both Johannesburg and Pretoria being selected as venues. Such a pity as there are host of young players like Brinley Forbes, Bonakele Nomkala, Lonwabo Sigele, Johan Thiel, Garren Kent and amongst the ladies, Sarah O Grady, Kate Pearson, Ash Schepers and KC Dodds who desperately need added competition EP’s Mrs Squash, Lisa O Grady claimed Bronze in Birmingham at the World Masters Championships in July. O Grady lost to the eventual winner, but then defeated the No 1 seed in the 3rd and 4th play-off. Renovations at Old Grey have begun where all 5 courts are being transformed. Glass backs, lounge type viewing , a deck, and …. Ssshhhhhh …’tis rumoured , possibly a Doubles court. Exciting times September will see an exodus of squash players from the city, re-uniting in camaraderie in East London at the Masters Inter Provincial which is the biggest squash tournament in the world, catering for just under 1000 players. The Winter Leagues draw to a close with teams from the 13 mens and 4 ladies leagues battling for season’s honours and ribboned coat. The 1st leagues are virtually sealed with the Londt Park Ladies already home and dry and NMMU set to claim their first 1st League title, and topple the Londt Park men from the thrones they have occupied for 5 years. But down below, in the boiler rooms of the lower leagues, there are bound to be some tense and tight finishes And then , traditionally it is off season “dead time” . But not in Port Elizabeth. Here, it becomes hectic. After successful Inter-provincial campaigns, coach Richard Driscoll is looking to band some the younger players together in an off-season programme and yours truly, will be running the Fast Track league which seeks to take players, just bubbling under, to their true potential and springboard them to achieve their squash goals. For the ambitious squash player, this should be the time where technical deficiencies are ironed out and plans for the 2013 season are put in place. NMMU has taken a major step forward in hosting the NMMU Brian Bands Open on the weekend of 14-16 September. Adrian Hansen, and Rudi Willemse have already entered and hopefully some of top ladies like ex- Clarendon girl Siyoli Waters can be attracted. A major shot in the arm for EP Squash and cuedo’s to the university administrators and players. The Henry Slater Swifts Open will be played from 21-23 September. And then the Crusaders Corporate League kicks back into play from 27 September till 25 October. This league, instituted last year with much fanfared fun caters for all levels of players from League fundi to social socialites to retirees and beginners, and Racqetball will feature this year as an added little extra. Ed Razzano will be hosting his first Holiday Squash camp at Londt Park from 1-3 October for children (9-13) of all levels And then it is Summer League, played internally at various clubs. The success of which, is a sure indicator of whether a club is thriving, or just, surviving Perhaps those IOC fellows and their SASCOC allies should travel to PE in their fancy cars during this “dead period”. After 20 October, their minds will, definitely have been changed.
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The other Match Report is a beery tracker of events taking place on-and-off the courts of the Crusaders Thrusting Third League Squelch of Playa’s and their endeavours to come from behind and wrestle some silverware to the ground The Playas are Russ Mitchell – a devious doctor who rushes, and rustles and never says die, even to his patients Alan Stapleton – a balding,crockety kneed “coach” on the comeback trail Pete Stephens – the leader of the mob. Sneaky Pete is known to ride bike into unknown territories and is very unconventionally confusing and erudite Chris Way – wanders in from East London and does things, his way Morgan Fuller – a Grey Scholar who will become a gentleman. Full of talent which needs to be straightened and touched up Sarah O Grady – the enigmatic daughter of Lisa, who marches to her own drum Di Van Eck – fills in when we are desperate and we try to be desperate often as she adds another slice of beauty to this Beastly bunch vs Gelvandale Pumped up and inspired by The Wall’s epic epistle of The View’s 1st League mauling encounter against the Londt lads, the Thrusting Sader Thirds, cut down to size by Old Grey were galvanized for the Gelvan Goliaths. Like teenagers on a trip to Amsterdam, they licked their lips, and counted their condoms, bristling in anticipation … It was that horrible situation where the 1 and 4 of the opposition and the 2 and 3 of the Homeboys arrived but after a bit of tete-tete, and small talk, we thought we would cut the idle chatter and ….. Pumping Pete took on the I’ve-got-to-go-to-work Noel and it was a messy wham-bam-thank-you-mam affair with lots of loose stuff and lazy lengths. A bit like an old married couple, going through the motions, they pummelled away, without too much loving care but Pete was always on top, and eventually straddled his way to a little 3 lover, with Noel rolling over, sucking a couple of savannahs, and like a furtive lover, headed off into the distance Next into bed, was the lion-hearted Leo against his Bunny playmate, Staple-tin. Tonight, Ronnie was oh-so robust and the Tin, true to his name seemed like he had prepared for this affair by reading 50 Shades of Grey with all sorts of ineffective inventions. Had he stuck to his motto of “ giving it 6 inches”, and “keeping it straight”, he may well have climaxed. But like the afore-mentioned teenagers, with the court’s loving legs wide open and the nick inviting, he far too often, came too soon. While he managed to raise Ronnie to a pant, and a radiant glistening sweat, and also gave him one from behind, his dreams of a 1st win against his nemesis, turned out a wet, sticky and unsatisfactory 1-3 loss. Then into action, it was Chris and Emile Chris , it seemed, was intent on a slow, Sunday afternoon roll in the hay, but Emile had other ideas and was full of evil intent, rushing in and fingering all sorts areas where Chris was most uncomfortable, up high and down below and he just could not get going. Before we could whisper, ‘keep it deep”, Chris had been bent, buckled and blown away into an eggy 0-3. With Gelvan now 6-4 up, it was up to Dr Russ to provide some stiff opposition, to stand firm and upright if a win was to come our way. And he stood tall. As in a gynecological examination, Darryl was spread-eagled around the court as Russ examined every corner and elke hoekie. For 2 games, the Hahn did not appear to know if he was coming or going, and like a rape victim, he seemed shell shocked. But he is made of sterner stuff, and after Ronnie had whispered some soft words into his ear, he came back, straightened his game, and started pumping straight up and down. No frills stuff. Gradually, it was the doctor who was being examined with the final 3 games all going past climax point, both playas held on and, as in good sex, each took their turns to take the lead . Russ at match point, had an opening as wide as a Parisian prostitute pinioned to a palisade, and instead of fiddling around, just one more time, he tried to drive home the advantage. Straight onto Darryl’s racquet, and then he was a spent force as he came second, conceding a 6-9 ( a suitable number I suppose) defeat to the Gelvan Guzzlers But the Thrusters are grizzled fellows, and it was not a case of turning over and snoring off to sleep. Naah, after a handful of Hansas and a couple of conciliatory Castle jabulis, they went off in search of more hot fowls and these were to be found, spread-eagled spatchcocks at Fernando’s and a doppietjie rooi wyn rounded off an unsuccessfully pleasant evening. Still in search of silverware, but that might be becoming a bit out-of-reach, and The Thrusting Thirds might just have to bow down or buy a blow up doll and take 2nd best – whatever that may be, for you.
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The other Match Report is a beery tracker of events taking place on-and-off the courts of the Crusaders Thrusting Third League Squelch of Playa’s and their endeavours to come from behind and wrestle some silverware to the ground The Playas are Russ Mitchell – a devious doctor who rushes, and rustles and never says die, even to his patients Alan Stapleton – a balding,crockety kneed “coach” on the comeback trail Pete Stephens – the leader of the mob. Sneaky Pete is known to ride bike into unknown territories and is very unconventionally confusing and erudite Chris Way – wanders in from East London and does things, his way Morgan Fuller – a Grey Scholar who will become a gentleman. Full of talent which needs to be straightened and touched up Sarah O Grady – the enigmatic daughter of Lisa, who marches to her own drum Di Van Eck – fills in when we are desperate and we try to be desperate often as she adds another slice of beauty to this Beastly bunch The other Match Report: vs NMMU The trusty thrusting Thirds placed around about third in the thirsty third league ( with still some results to be logged – see attached) stepped bravely into the 2nd half, brimming with confidence and believing that the silverware is within reach Down at NMMU. the Crown Princess of EP squash, the sultry Sarah, led the way , as Chris was not playing . Back on the comeback trail after time in the wilderness, Sarah led the unconventional Deon down a devious path of lobs and drops, mixed with some drilling drives. And though she too, went tweedledee and tweedledum, what shall I do for fun, walk about for awhile, her team-mates were always confident in her 3-2 kick-start. Pete the Pedalman peddled into a warrelling Wubbe-storm , filled with electrifying nicks and thunderous tins, and blustery crosscourts. But aLEX, had about as much direction as Pete on his cycling escapades through the bushes, AND Pete, as patient as the Pied Piper weathered the storm, and reeled the young man, as he whistled his way to to a tight 3-2 victory The Staple-knee, all braced up and bubbling like a baby at the chance to grit his teeth back into the lofty realms of league squash, cartilaged his way back with a gnarled display of reverse logistics. Not twisting and turning that gracefully himself, he twisted and turned and gristled the Khan man, distant cousin to Jahangir and Jansher with an array of reverse angles and arguments that saw a tiumphant smile at the end of 4 games And the rampant, rabid Russell was far to sprightly for the young William, who to tell the truth, has much to offer if he could shoot straighter, and play with less dazzle. But Russ was on a roll, and before the Staple-knee had finished washing his beautiful body, the match was overs cadova's and the boeries and beers and bullshit beckoned. And there was lots of it, with tales from Grahamstown and schoolboy heroics. Result from the first round reversed. So to the Woolstaplers, waiting to be shorn, as the Thrusters thearch circumspectly for glory The other Match Report: vs Woolstaplers As the Thrusting Thirds gathered at the Crusader Castle, there was a sense of positive energy that exuded as they knighted up for their clash against the Wooly-staplers. Lances were lanced and shears were ready and it was the young guns, Morgan, so-full-of-potential Fuller against the probably even more exciting, Juandre Venter who launched first into battle. So exciting to see talent like this, and EP Squash will see and hear lots more of these 2 if they can stay motivated. Lots of loose stuff in between some incredible retrieving. But some serious work required on short game skills. The Fuller-knight had his hands full, but weathered the storm to push the Thrusters noses ahead. Then, it was Brother Shawn against the Staple-steed, in the Battle of the Baldies where both combatants bravely took some body-shots in a very friendly contest. The Braced One, had some nervous moments when the Oh So Sporting Strydom, came fighting back to steal the third, but The Ton steadied his pony, and cantered through in the 4th. Dr Russ was next up against the hard-running, hard living Deon. After a jittery start, the “good doc” eventually had just too many needles in his bag and a little more squash class to out-wit the Claasens man in a woer-woer whoopity-woo, catch-me-if-you-can encounter. But the best was saved for last. With the wiry windhond Greyling pitted against the slower-moving Way. There was lots of bumping and blocking but with Chris crisply cutting things off and sending Pierre steadfastly scuttling into that back hand corner, he found a way,used the high way and did it his way to clinch the 5-set clanger. Celebrations were muted with both young Claasen and Venter having to hurry, the others tarried for awhile over a boerie. The group was beautified by the arrival of the ebullient Elvira before all bade farewell for an early evening.Another 1st round result reversed and another 12- pointer in the bag. The Woolstaplers shorn and The Thrusters, thriving. The other Match Report: vs Old Grey A Squash and Sport has a beautiful way of tripping one up whenever one gets a little cocky. And the Thrusting Thirds had their balls squeezed a little last Wednesday, when, all cockahoop after whacking 2 twelvers into their wallets, they were vasectomized, and snipped down to size by the Old Grey A-span. Fulla-talent Morgan met up witha slippery opponent in school-mate Greg Butters in what appeared to be a Grey Olympian Challenge. There was no quarter given in this cut-and-thrust encounter where predictions would have been stoopid as the balance swayed from side-to-side and concentration levels rose and waned but it was the man with the softer touch, the Butter-man who slid through, eventually, quite easily, 3-1. Then… the… pace…s…l…o…w…e…d as the 2 war horses, Stapey and Scotty, both with Scottish ancestry, and still battered and bruised from the Battle of Britain lobbed bombs on each other in a furiously slow and manically soft paced strategic manouevre where out-witting was more important than out-hitting, and it eventually, it was the Staple-drop who called check-mate at 3-1 before the 2 mates meandered off for a well-deserved malt or 7.
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While floods pounded Port Elizabeth last weekend, my family and I joined the Spar family of Retailers at a getaway weekend at Mpekweni. It was cold, wet and windy and definitely not suitable for the normal sunny and leisurely pursuits of golf, tennis, canoeing, beach-walking so suited to resorts like Mpekweni. There was not much to do. But 2 areas did attract attention. Like forwards around a loose scrum, people pushed for space at the pub, … and for time on the squash court. As a squash addict and beer lover, I was in my element. I was able to watch, and play against people with massively varying abilities. And what a great time they had, hacking, chopping, and klapping that cold little rubber ball around that lonely and cold Mpekweni Court. There was Gotz, a man who has traded himself from hawking vegetables on the streets to become an influential businessman and about whom, a book is waiting to be written. And there was Nigel, a former Selborne College front rank, whose rugby career was ended by an injury which, for some time, left him paralysed. His story is retold in Tim Noakes’s book “Challenging Beliefs”,which any self-respecting sports person should read. These 2 will probably not claim to be squash players but for about 40 minutes they sweated, and scurried, and squirrelled around, amidst screams and laughter. And left, satisfied, and sweaty. There was Saki, a talented player from East London who with a bit of coaching could become a really good player. There was the leggy Natasha a former provincial schools player and now University of Free State student. If she gets exposure to better squash, she will definitely play provincial level squash. There was Bryan, a former player, who because of injury and business commitments has hung up his racquets. There were St Andrews College students, some who play for EP schools and then were a hotch potch bunch who all came around at different times to try their hand. Even FunnyMan Gino Fabbri, and Centrestage brain, Gary Hemmings hilariously hacked and whizzed themselves, dangerously around the squash court stage. And I watched in wonder, and I wondered. Last month, International referee, Leon Gelderblom and his partner Ria Kennerly visited Port Elizabeth, to launch a game called Racketball/Raquetball/Rallyball – depending on where you come from. In the USA, this is a hectic, frantic game , played with a shortened tennis-like racquet and a hard, bouncy ball. In the UK, as only the Poms can do, they have given the game a little more class and finesse, using a soft, slower bouncing ball. It is played on a squash court with the same rules, apart from the service where the player is required to bounce the ball, and 2 serves are permitted. The game has taken off and in Cape Town and Durban, it is already reaching league popularity levels. No, it will never replace The Real Thing. What can? But it could find a place in the hearts of players and a home at our clubs. For beginners, who struggle to rally and get that cold ball bouncing, it is an easier option and will build confidence .The conversion to squash should be quick. For old tjoppers, whose bodies are starting to put breaks on their mobility, the game will allow for longer, but slower and easier rallies. For players recovering from injury, Racquetball could ease them back towards fitness and for tjoppers, without the skills of the better players, but still desperate for competitive exercise instead of the drudgery of the treadmill, Racquetball may well be an enticing substitute. Because the ball bounces higher and slower and hangs in the air longer, it does not require the agility and speed of the mother-sport, nor the jarring stopping-and-starting. Because the ball does not cling to the walls and hide in corners , and because the racquet is shorter, those horrible corner shots are far less threatening and the fear of having your eye, blackened or sucked out of its sockets, is also no longer a threat. And I watched, and I wondered. How much more fun would this happy band of Spar-folk have been able to have, had Racquetball been available to them. The pub may have temporarily lost sales , but those who played , would have been a lot thirstier and a lot more tired, and those Hansas might have been a little more home-sick While the courts at Mpekweni were filled with fun and laughter, in Pretoria, EP’s Jarvis players were fighting for survival , after suffering relegation to the C Section in 2011. Under the astute coaching of EP legend, Richard Driscoll, Rudi Van Niekerk (unbeaten), Sean Bailey, Thami Mngcete, Paul Mason and Sean Viljoen rose to the occasion, (after almost losing to the B Side on Day 1) to clinch the section and gain promotion where the hurdle towards A section, may be easier, played on home turf in 2013. Their achievement is even more note-worthy considering the number of injuries and unavailable players, and the fact that many other provinces use overseas players to bolster their A sides, which has a ripple-down effect. While this does raise the status of the tournament, it also makes a mockery of calling the tournament an inter-provincial as, sadly, the rich get promoted, and the poor, get relegated. The B side, consisting of Bonakele Nomkala, Garren Kent, Brinley Forbes, Alton Senekal, Lonwabo Sigele and Pete Ryder played a role in the A side’s success by stealing points all over the place and ending a very creditable 4th. Forbes, was unbeaten at 3 and shouted out loud, that he is ready for bigger things And our ladies stood tall, narrowly losing to Western Province 2-3 on the final day to finish 4th. Lizelle Goosen, again showed that given exposure to the top players, she can live with best, beating English international Lauren Siddall and taking SA No 1, Milnay Louw to 5 . But all of the ladies, Jacqui Ryder, Anlen Murray and Elani and Lume Landman weaved magic to secure some great wins. If players like Di Van Eck, Sarah O Grady, and Kate Pearson can rise to the challenge , and a sponsor be found to bring out an international player, this team could challenge seriously for top honours in PE in 2013. There was more good news at the Schools IPT’s where the Under 13 boys and girls claimed 2nd places, the Under 16 girls came 3rd, the Under 19 girls came 3rd and the Boys, 2nd. Here Johan Thiel and Ashleigh Schepers had memorable victories against the SA number 1’s, and Kacey Leigh Dodd was ranked 1,at the Under 16 tournament .More importantly, more than 100 girls and boys travelled to the various IPT’s, where they gained valuable experience. They will all have returned, better players but also wiser, having toured and travelled and met up with like-minded squash players who will probably become life-long friends Talking of friends, PE lost Joe Wood 2 months ago to Potchefstroom, but in August, Ed Razzano will be relocating to Port Elizabeth from Cape Town. A wily squash player, astute and very experienced coach and highly qualified Squash Referee, Ed will undoubtedly add huge value to squash in the province. He has worked at WPCC in Cape Town together with Mark Allen, arguably South Africa’s leading coach. Ed headed up coaching at Stellenbosch and at various schools in the Cape, and is hoping to set himself up here as a full time coach. Something that Port Elizabeth desperately needs So, as the 2nd round of Winter Leagues roll into action, focus will move to the clubs where League teams will battle for seaon’s honours. There will be dramas, traumas, and tense finishes but the season will be remembered for the good times, the friends and the friendships that blossom from the camaraderie of teams fighting together. And then there will be “Dead Season”, between Winter and Summer Leagues, when last year the Corporate League was launched at Crusaders. Companies and Corporates are encouraged to start putting people in places for Version 2 of this league which accommodates and encourages all levels of players, from 1st league to social, from ex-players to virgin squash players. And according to the Employment Equity requirements, women must be included. And maybe, just maybe, A Racquetball League is waiting to be launched. For those self- same people.
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Rugby -playing parents are free to roam and rumble down the touchlines, shouting abuse at referees and opposition alike. Cricket-playing parents have zen-like ruminations, deck-chaired on the side of the field as their off-spring, bounce and hook their opponents into submission. Swimming parents scream encouragement to deaf ears and bobbing heads as they clutch and caress their stop-watches in the stands . Judo-fighting parents, I am told, are apparently banned from attending sessions where their little Bruce Lee’s are graded. The Squash-playing parent has a sadder fate. Mom and Dad are sentenced to time in a cell, which, if they are lucky, has some space to move and a glass window through which they can at least see their off-spring. The unlucky ones, will be cattle-prodded into a narrow little area from which they can look down and see their children, gladiator-like, fight for survival in a concrete and wooden pit. Yours , dear Squash Parent, is a sentence of silence. Advising or shouting encouragement or abuse is frowned upon. The referee, who, often, at school level, is ignorant and reticent, is in punching, ear-shot. Your child’s opponent’s parents, unknowingly, or maybe knowingly, whisper horrible comments, and sit with their backs rubbing against your twitching knees. The opposition coach, stands to the side, snidely spewing ambiguous and illegal coaching advice . You can feel every ebb of emotion, hear every frustrated scream, see every plaintiff call for help, smell the sweat and you are in almost touching contact. But like a parent visiting a child in prison, you can do nothing. Squash is a cruel game for a parent. Broadly speaking, there are 2 groups of parents. The Player Group: These are ex, or current players, whose children have been brought up at squash courts, chomping on chips, and nipping on and off court, when their folks take a break. For these folk, the sentence is sometimes not as harsh, as they at least, can understand and hopefully empathise as they understand the nuances of the game. Conversely, they probably feel their child’s frustrations more intimately as they are aware of the rules and the tactics that should be used. The Non-Player Group: These folk come from a foreign land. They may have played other sports and had hoped that their children would follow suit . But somehow, some devious teacher, coach or maybe another teenage addict has enticed their child into this den, with promises of unbridled enjoyment, wild euphoria and satisfaction via the release of happy endorphins locked in gawky bodies. The child , gradually, and unbeknown to the parents, has become a squash addict. And they are now ‘forced” into these cells to an enforced silent encouragement. They must learn the “prison rules”, the ethos and ethics of squash without appreciating the exhilaration of the sweat, competition and camaraderie of that boxed cell. Apart from your “Cell Time”, know that you have also been sentenced to Community Service where you will be expected to spend time mentoring and consoling, be called on at odd hours to drop off and collect and you may at times become doctor, nurse, physio and psychologist. And to round off your sentencing, there is a fairly steep on-going fine that will need to cover the odd broken racquet, balls, squash shoes, and club membership fees. If your child becomes seriously addicted, and moves into the mainline stuff , playing provincially, or nationally, the travel costs will stretch your wallet. The above punishments are however part and parcel of any parent’s involvement in any sport, and here, squash is relatively cheap in terms of maintenance. But it does not attract the sponsors that some of the other sports attract, so travelling and touring do become expensive. Through tough times, come good times and clouds often have many silver linings. While your sentence is tough, you can console yourselves in the knowledge that your involvement in your child as a squash player is a life-long gift. Unlike most schoolboy rugby players and cricketers, your child will probably continue playing squash for many years to come. Through it, he will gain many friends – good people who embrace the ethics of competitive sportsmanship. Should he travel the world, he will find courts as squash is a truly global game . Whatever field of business or study your children lean towards, the should always be able to find an hour where they can cast off the worries of the world. Come rain, wind, and snow, squash courts will welcome them, anytime of day without chunking too much out of their hard-earned salaries. Squash knows no age boundaries and your child , by playing leagues will be exposed to adults which will not only add to his skills but also grow maturity So, as you offer this gift of life, some words of advice. Parenting is never easy, and one child’s poison can be another child’s chocolate. If you can get your hands on Richard Millman’s “Raising Young Smiley Squash Kids”, do so. In fact for any sporting parent it is filled with gems of advice on raising balanced children who play sport for the right reasons – for the love of the game, and not purely the winning and the recognition. (Pssst – I have a copy if anyone wants to borrow it.) Support – but try not to interfere. Confidence and self-belief are probably the 2 most precious gifts you can offer your child. But never must a child’s self-worth be dependent on his squash results or his form Encourage – losses are bitter pills to swallow, and nobody goes onto a court to lose. And one often learns more from losses than one does from winning. Try to exude a sense of calm and confidence in your child through your own behaviour Encourage your child to play for the love of the game. The recognition that comes from gaining provincial selection or winning a tournament should be by-products. The more they play, the more fun they have, the better they will become and the more they will take out of the sport. Use Squash as a microcosm of life, where your children must make their own decisions, achieve their own focus, instil their own disciplines. Encourage them to set goals, plan and practise on their own. Bjorn Borg, Andre Agassi and Roger Federer are all famous examples of teenage prodigies who were almost lost to tennis because of temper tantrums. These may happen, must never be condoned, but how you handle them with your child will lead to more self- awareness and maturity. Parents – Please stand for your sentencing. The Court finds you guilty of allowing your child to be introduced to the game of squash. You are sentenced to Life where you will support, encourage, mentor and lead, despite trauma, tears, trials, tribulations, tours and triumphs. You have been sentenced. Go forth and enjoy your sentence, knowing that there is much joy in giving, and that Squash will grow your child into a better person.
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Joe Wood whispered out of Port Elizabeth, on his way to Potchefstroom, where all roads go the Elgro. Squash in Port Elizabeth has lost a Trojan soldier. Squash in Potchefstroom has gained a Squash Player who seeks no ribboned coat or season’s glory. There were no fancy farewells, fanfare, speeches or tears. There should have been. Joe Wood is better known as a golfer, having player Premier League for 29 years, represented Eastern Province at 18 inter-provincials, and with victory notches on his belt against none other than Ernie Els, Tim Clark and Titch Moore. But Joe Wood is also a Squash Player. A genuine, solid, salt-of-the-earth squash player, who has hovered, sometimes a bit slowly, moving between 3rd and 7th Leagues for the last 34 years. No, you will not find Joe Wood’s name in the list of EP Provincial or 1st League players, or the Club Champion’s Trophy. You will not find Joe Wood sporting sponsors clothes and top-of-the-range racquets. But you will find Joe Wood participating in every tournament available, in the Masters leagues, Winter leagues, Summer Leagues, in the Doubles Leagues. He is the type of squash player who you call when your playing partner drops you at the 11th hour, who would fill in for you if your wife planned an unplanned dinner. He is the type of player, who would accept challenges from lower ranked players, play, compete fiercely, and if beaten, accept that The Best Man Won. Not for Joe Wood, the politicking for positions in a league team to be with buddies or because Thursdays suit better than Wednesdays. Joe would fit in, where his club needed him, and bond a side together – maybe not to win the league – but definitely to have a team full of spirit and fun. Not for Joe Wood, the tantrums and traumas of fighting with referees, or the excuses of injury after a loss. Play Joe Wood, and you are guaranteed a good, hard match with no bickering, definitely a little banter, possibly some wily gamesmanship, a smile, a solid handshake, a beer or two and a good ol’ chat. Just before he left, we shared a “cold one” where we compared squash and golf and their beautiful mysteries. The previous Sunday, Joe had offered me some advice on the Driving Range, where I was attempting to turn my squash swing into a golfing drive and solve some of my golfing maladies. Joe simplified things so beautifully. Hit through the ball – imagine there are 3 balls to be hit - stick to the basics, find a rhythm, be patient and remain humble … or squash and golf will humiliate you The EP Closed Tournament was played last month, where Rudi Van Niekerk and sister, Lizelle took the honours as the 2012 EP Closed Champions (and young brother, Dewald, shouted that he is on the way, when he won the C Section). But this is a tournament for those Trojans like Joe Wood, who play squash for all the right reasons - for the love of the game, for the sweat, for the competition, for the camaraderie. The fact that almost 200 people took part in the tournament is testament to the fact that Squash is alive and well and bubbling in this province. (The youngest was Dean Venter ,8 and the oldest, 72 year old Louis Kitzinger) And to add to the success, it was good to see so many players like Nurien Hoosein, Shelley Saunders, Murray Schepers and Danzel Van Der Merwe, coming through the ranks and competing in various finals. More importantly, they were rubbing shoulders with these Joe Woods of the world, and that experience will stand them in good stead as they climb their squash ladders to success. We will hear a lot more of these players, and hopefully, the lessons and ethos they have learned from these Trojans, will become part of their makeup. Every club has its Joe Woods. Not necessarily a Committee Man, but a person who adds to the value of the club, who will muck in when help is needed, will welcome a new member, offer some coaching advice to the youngster , who will serve behind the bar or braai the meat, when others are nose deep in conversation and Castles. It is wrong to name names, but I think of the Erich Klokows and Sticks Viljoens at Walmer ( although Sticks has speared a couple of markers), of Mark Millborrow, Derek Vosloo and Kostas Giagas at Londt Park, of Rae Masters, of Barry Mitchley, of Darryl and Wayne Smith, of Neale Emslie, of Caroline Rose, of Derek Botha… There are so many. You know who you are and you don’t need to be named. To all of those Joe Wood Trojans. We salute you. You are the magic that make Squash Clubs special. And Joe Wood, take some of PE’s magic to Potch, and show them what our squash vibe is all about ***************************************** As winter gets colder, most players will happily take it easy in the mid-season break with the odd social game or maybe a little trip down to Woolstaplers or Walmer for their Handicap tournaments, the heat becomes hotter for the top EP Players. After the Crusaders Tournament this weekend, the sides to play at the inter-provincials will be announced. And then, there is a month of serious hard work, and more importantly mental preparation ahead of them. 2011 was a disaster year for EP sides so they will go into the tournament with backs against the wall. Sadly, again, injuries, costs and unavailability have blighted the team. Sadly too, many of the NMMU bursaried players are playing for Border – which to my simple little mind, makes no sense. However the players who are available, are a very committed bunch, and under the astute tutelage of Richard Driscoll, be sure that they will carry that EP flag high as they go Balls to the Wall in fighting to regain lost status. The following rankings (as at 23 May) are by no means official. They are a result of 2 years results fed into a ranking system, developed by another Wood - Des Woods, another legend of EP Squash. And an article waiting to be written - Rudi Van Niekerk Lizelle Goosen
- Jason Le Roux (Playing for Border) Anlen Murray (Unavailable)
- Zane Schwarz (Unavailable) Jacqui Ryder
- Sean Bailey Elani Landman
- Kyle Schwarz (Playing for Border) Lume Landman
- Thami Mngcete Di Van Eyk (Unavailable)
- Dane Bigara ( Injured) Karen Schepers
- Paul Mason Sarah O Grady
- Jarryd Terblanche Alison Oshry ( Unavailable)
- Garren Kent Kate Pearson (Unavailable)
- Shaun Viljoen Kacey Leigh Dodd
- Alton Senekal Ashleigh Schepers
- Quintin Masters Michelle Roos
- Peter Ryder Dione Johnson
- Bonakele Nomkala Lisa O Grady
- Lonwabo Sigele Joanna Dodd
- Brindley Forbes Caroline Rose
- Jacques Wessels (Unavailable) Angela Fraser
- Garth Plaaitjies Camilla Forbes
- Graham Hall Briggite Kohne
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Dear Diary: Saturday: Squash Coaching: 10 -12.30. – some great sessions. Pitied those poor parents, coaches and supporters standing, drenched, religiously ranting at their rugby playing protégés. Kip and Super 15 rugger. Referees. Ughh !! I love Coenie Oosthuizen and this Etsebeth oke. Timmy Whitehead playing well. Sunday : Golf at Humewood. ( Cancelled – Rain, lots of it). Went to klap a squash ball – so good to be back on court , quick braai, snooze, and Sport Elizabeth article – have just read a great little book called, “What Sports tells about Life” by Ed Smith, which had me wondering about Sport and Life, Life and Sport ….schools…. me and sport… what to write ? What follows are my musings and meanderings. Cycling : A great sport for the body, suitable for all ages, easy on the joints but tough on the bank balance. And you have to be brave to wear those pornographic outfits. Not very weather friendly, and often exposed to road-rage and road hogs. My cycling career ended when I was about 10 when I crashed my bike into a tree. I have not been able to afford one since. Unless educated into the tactical intricacies, a boring TV sport, despite the pretty scenery. Swimming: Probably the best for the body, but one needs to know how to swim. I think I was too busy chasing my swimming coach’s daughter , so, while I can swim, I classify myself as a non-swimmer. That, precludes me from any Ironman fantasies. But, sjooee. How boring it must be, paddling, length after length, with nothing to look at. Galas should be used as a form of punishment. Capped heads bobbing in flurries of water. I once congratulated my daughter on how well she did, in a race in which she did not swim. Road Running: Probably the most accessible sport and one which allows for all folk - fat, thin, old, young, rich and poor - to test themselves against themselves, and discover things about themselves as they pound their bodies into the road. Running in the rain is ok, but, wind. No. I blame running for my knee-monia, ( And, yes, I probably did try to run too fast and too far, too soon.) Watching people complete the Comrades is both inspirational and heart-breaking, but for the rest, mind-numbing. Rugby: A great marketing tool for schools, where the perception is, that if the 1st XV is good, the school is a worthy, educational institution. A wonderful team game, and TV sport and useful as an outdoor activity where one coach can look after lots of people. But definitely not a life-time pursuit. No matter the popularity of rugby, one has to question the money and time spent, when a miniscule % of the mean machine 1st XV ever continue to play the game that takes them to Idol status, and then drops them, without parachute, to find another means of recognition and fitness. A tough, grovelling tear-away flanker in the Rob Louw/Keegan Daniel mould, I basked in the glory of 1st XV recognition, but any dreams of wearing the green and gold were punched into the ground at my first army practice … forever. And like probably 99.5 % of all school playing rugby players, I am qualified to criticise referees, can coach, advise wisely and sprout forth over countless beers on any aspect of rugby that is laid on the table. And that fiend, gout, attacks that broken wrist, ankle and elbow that rugby awarded me. Cricket: Is in my skin. I was brought up on the side of cricket fields and I love the game. All its formats and intricacies, the skills, the individual, yet team needs, the camaraderie. But, its longevity as life-time pursuit is dying as the younger generation seem hell-bent on wham-bam-thank you-mam exploits. And schools attempting to play declaration matches where one side bats until 3pm, are not doing much for its cause. Nor, sadly, are our administrators. So again, for all the money, and time spent in developing young cricketers, it’s pretty much, much ado about nothing. A great TV game , although, we are bit deluged these days. Football. I played “soccer” in Sub A and went on my first sporting “tore” from King William’s Town to Berlin . Since then I have flirted with the game at FA Cups and World Cups but I have never developed an emotional attachment ( Although I do hate Suarez and think Messi is close to a messiah.) Conversely my son, an ex-rugby player, loves it, and could stand on a stage with that Daron Mann man, and punch, question-to-question. So I watch a bit of soccer but unemotionally. Hockey: right up there with the best. A sport which seems to attract people with an insatiable appetite for alcohol and parties. Labelled a namby-pamby sport in my school days and only for those not tough enough for rugby, my bravest sporting moments have been running out at first wave for a short corner in the 4th league. I regret not pursuing my talents at this sport. Golf : As much as I love to hate it, Golf, with all it life-teaching elements, should be made a compulsory subject at schools. It is definitely on a par, or more valuable than Maths, once you enter the business world. I curse my college and my parents, for not tee-ing me off into the mysteries of this magnificent game. Easy on the body, tough on time, brain and wallet, it also suffers under the stresses of the weather. Ironically, that is one its challenges and attractions. And Louis Oosthuizen’s exploits at the Masters was 5-star entertainment. Tennis: A game for life, a game for families, and great TV watching-sport, especially as it seems to attract some very attractive ladies. But very weather unfriendly, especially in PE. Originally, my first love, and Wimbledon beckoned, but a grouchy old granny teacher with more interest in knitting, killed my dreams, and pushed me towards a new lover, Squash. And so I come to my game, my sport. Squash. Physical Chess. The Ultimate - requiring skills, fitness, thinking, a tough mind, the ability to move like a dancer and box like a boxer. Inexpensive, convenient ,easy to play, any time, night or day, a blend of team and individual, competitive and social, weather friendly, time friendly, family friendly, and age friendly. Space precludes discussion on other sports, and they all have their merits and de-merits but as I head for bed, I wonder. Should schools not be looking at the sports they offer, with a view to playing for life, and preparing their children for life. If nothing else, sport develops Self Belief. And with that, anyone can achieve anything. I am glad that I can’t afford a 20K bike, that my swimming coach had a daughter, that I was pummelled and injured at rugby, that my school was not interested in football, that time took me away from cricket, that my “ honourable name” kept me from hockey, and that granny knitted me from tennis, and steered me into Squash. To me – The Ultimate Sport… except, maybe for Golf. Adi Hansen and Rudi Willemse Exhibition Evening As 1000’s of wannabe Ironmen and ladies headed into town, the Squash Iron Men, Adi Hansen, ranked 2 in South Africa and Rudi Willemse, ranked 7, took on some of the cream of EP’s top players in a stunning display of power and precision in front of a packed Crusaders gallery. And then, turned up the heat, against each other with Hansen claiming the title of the King of the Saders Castle. But the EP quartet, Rudi van Niekerk, Thami Mngcete ,Dane Bigara and Jarryd Terblanche did themselves proud, rallying and running, and clearly, if they were exposed to this level of squash on a more regular basis, their games would flourish. Curtain-raising the evening, EP under 13’s, Keanu Langford, Juandre Venter and Murray Schepers all nationally ranked in the Top 10 , gave notice of great things to come. These 3 will play in front of many more packed galleries. And to add a touch of beauty to the brawn, Ashleigh Schepers, Kate Pearson, Alison Oshry and Di Van Eyk clashed in a Blitz tournament with Van Eyk joining Hansen as Queen of the Saders Castle. Who said Squash is not a spectator sport ?
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I wonder if that Shakespeare feller ever knew he would be raised and glorified in a prestigious Squash Column in the Sport Elizabeth. Hope he feels honoured that Hamlet’s famous “To be” words, as he contemplated life and death, and the meaning of existence, have stimulated the topic of this column. Like Hamlet, standing at Ophelia’s grave, her skull in hand, I stand at the Squash Courts, racquet and ball in hand, contemplating the possible meaning of life without my lover, Squash. I am a frustrated man. No, I am not wearing purple, and my marriage is fine ( I think). But my lover has left me. With an othroscoped Brazilian knee that has had its protective cartilage shaved, I have been banished to a possible Neverland of Squash, which does not know the joys of the sweat, the tiredness, the panting, the competitive battle, the joy de vivre, the tactical chess-like manoeuvring, the camaraderie, the relaxed feeling, lying back, having released those happy endorphins of the match. Even the beers don’t taste quite as good if you haven’t paid for them in some form of blood, sweat or tears. But I do have Coaching. I mumbled something in last month’s column that it was lust that sucked me into this world of coaching. But that flirtation has developed into an interest, to a hobby, to a passion. And brought rewards, recognition, has taken me around the world, exposed me to a menagerie of weird and wonderful people and politics, and introduced me to squash folk who I have been honoured to share in their growth as squash players and people. And it has supplemented my salary to enable me to buy some beers for the fridge at home. So, while I am side-lined, I can still be involved, which might just save my marriage and save me from following Ophelia into a suicidal pond. While Golfers seem to have an inherent need to improve their technical skills, and despite the fact that there are volumes of Golf literature and magazines offering sage biblical advice, leading to the Holy Grail Of Golf, Golf Coaches are in demand and earn decent existences. Conversely, squash players, stranded with very little self-help literature, seem to think it infra dig to seek help, and seem happy to survive on scraps of advice chucked around the bar after a match. And to be seen practising on one’s own. Sacrilege – embarrassment blush….a bit like being caught by your mother! If, and when, squash players do seek assistance, they gravitate to the top players who can probably help with a bit of technique, and some routines to help develop a shot, but generally-speaking, they understand their own games, and often don’t understand the difficulties that Andrew Average , Betty Beginner or Junior Johan experience. Added to the Squash Coaching conundrum, is that while many attend courses, very few qualify, as the process is laborious and lengthy but still far less demanding than those of sports like golf, tennis and cricket. As a result, there are heaps of folk “coaching” but very few who are qualified Ironically, The Coaches Course is very theoretic in terms of the mechanics of the shots, and analysis of strokes and tactical play and being able to organise squads and handle groups of 12 kids on 2 courts, and how teach someone to get the ball out of those hooky little corners. But only once you have completed the course and you go out and start trying things, and succeeding and failing, that is when you really start learning. And that is when you learn, that coaching is not about All of the Above in The Coaches Manual. No, proper coaching is about relationships and people, and getting to understand them and realising that every individual is different, and you cannot apply one principle to every person. Proper Coaching is about being a mentor, a friend, a trainer, a psychologist, a politician, a travel guide, a dietician, a juggler, an entertainer, a promoter, an analyst, a researcher, a reader, a collector, an innovator, a motivator. Squash is merely the conduit. As a coach, whatever the sport, you can become an incredibly influential person in a person’s life. Realise too, that Squash Coaches all have their areas of speciality. Just as doctors will differ with their diagnoses, so different coaches will confuse with contrasting theories and advice. Some are good with beginners, some with inter-mediate, some will be better with elite players. It is still a dream to get a Coaches Workshop together in Port Elizabeth where coaches, qualified or not and teachers involved with squash, gather to share, standardise ideas, and learn from one another. Watch this space. So for those out there, seeking some squash salvation, coaching is a good thing, and can help you and your game. But find someone to whom you or your child relate , who is balanced and sees the bigger picture, who realises that there will be losses and you can learn from them, who appreciates that before improvement, there may be some dips in performance. For juniors and beginners, it is about ingraining good technique, building confidence and having fun. For inter-mediate players, it is identifying strengths and weaknesses and developing routines around these, which also develop tactical awareness. For the club journeyman, middle-leaguer, small tweaks in technique, tactical awareness and shot selection and some video footage can clarify. And for the ambitious, like having a personal trainer, a coach can push you, feed and practise with you, monitor your progress, and plan for you. If you are prepared to help yourself, you can become a champion. But that is your choice. A coach can only guide you and point you in the right direction To be…or To be Coached ? Will coaching help if I am not going to practise ? No. Will practice help, if I don’t know how to practise ? No . You can stay as you are for the rest of your life, or you can change ? *************************************** Adi Hansen Exhibition Squash: Thursday 19 April at Crusaders Our bigger rugby, cricket and golf brothers are deluged with TV coverage of their sports but the Cinderella cousins suffer, having to pick up titbits of stuff on the internet. So when opportunity knocks, we must grab it. Former National Champion, Adrian Hansen, will be visiting PE on 19 April to play 3 of EP’s Top Players. Hansen, who has fought back from a near fatal car accident to resurrect his career, is probably one of the best players to watch in terms of racquet preparation and efficient movement. If you are not going to use a coach, one of the best forms of learning, is imitation. And there will also be lots of fun stuff and typical squash camaraderie. Other Important Squash Dates for April: Wednesday 4 April: League Captain’s Meeting at Old Grey at 5pm. League handbooks will be distributed and Markers and Refs Talk will be presented Monday 10 April: Winter Leagues begin Thursday 19: Adi Hansen Exhibition and Fun Squash Evening at Crusaders Friday to Sunday (20 -22 April): Rhodes Open 26 – 29 April: Londt Park Open
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